


It Ain't Over

by Nina_683



Series: Aussie Line [1]
Category: Stray Kids (Band)
Genre: Angst and Hurt/Comfort, I feel like there's another work with the same title, I need to stop writing at 2, M/M, the chanlix can only be seen through a magnifying glass but I tagged it anyway
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-01-17
Updated: 2018-01-17
Packaged: 2019-03-06 06:13:00
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,460
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13405146
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Nina_683/pseuds/Nina_683
Summary: Felix's elimination and everything that comes after.





	It Ain't Over

“Sorry, Felix-ah. You will not continue as a part of Stray Kids.”

Felix nods quietly, biting his lower lip viciously as it wobbles in an effort to contain his emotions. He looks down at the floor, eyes and nose dripping already as JYP gives a pat of consolation while leaving the room.

Jisung is the first to come hug him. He always is.

They rock back and forth in the embrace, and Jisung's skinny body which is normally so full of warmth seems cold and hollow under Felix's hands as the other boy blubbers reassurances in Korean that he doesn't understand.

He's eventually pulled away by Seungmin, who is also crying heavily but only comes to give a brief embrace before whispering in his ear, breath tickling the short strands at the back of his neck, ‘it's not over’.

He was a good roommate.  
Felix wonders, as he smiles weakly at the boy, how he will cope alone in his empty room.

Hyunjin gathers Seungmin in his arms as the other boy sobs, and he decides he doesn't even want to imagine it.

Out the corner of his eye, he sees Chan walking up to him, eyes puffy and red and honestly this might just be the saddest thing about the whole messed-up situation; that after 7 years, Chan never would get the perfect debut he'd desired.

And more than his own elimination, that's what hurts Felix the most.

“I'm not gonna leave you behind.”

Chan says, and Felix nods tearfully, not knowing what else to do. He wants to reach over and draw Chan in, tell him that it'll be okay in the end, that he deserves the world and he'll get his debut in the end- but he doesn't know how to say that.

Not in Korean.

He crawls over to Changbin who is squatting on the floor, hands covering his face as loud sobs emerge from behind the shield of his hands. The rapper keeps repeating ‘hyung is sorry’ over and over, and Felix laughs bitterly through the sick feeling crawling up his chest, asking ‘what is hyung is sorry for?’

He wraps his arms around the boy, but Changing doesn't respond, shaking with the tremors of his sobs. Felix rests his face in the crook of the rapper's neck, where his tears have slid down to create an oasis of salt in the small junction.

“It's okay.” He mutters softly, patting the cheap cotton of the boy's jacket in what he hopes is a comforting manner. “It's okay.”

Chan squats next to him, looking over the scene with sad eyes. The weight of the sigh the leader exhales is far too heavy for one of his age, Felix thinks privately.

“It's not.”

They start in surprise, looking at Changbin who has raised his head, eyes red and puffy. “It's not okay. Don't lie.” He growls, staring straight at Felix. “You don't deserve this.”

“None of us did.” Chan says quietly, looking around the room. Then again quieter, “none of us did.”

There is a heavy silence in the room, broken only by Seungmin’s strangled sobs. Felix rests his head on Chan's shoulder, closing his eyes resignedly.

#

He moves out the dorm the day later.

He doesn't tell anyone when he moves, not even Seungmin who is sleeping peacefully on the bunk previously occupied by him. The singer's eyes are still red from last night.

Felix moves into the separate trainee dorms, the ones he's only been in a handful of times. Since he'd moved to JYP he'd lived in the dorms with Chan, Jeongin and Jisung, and these new dorms were a whole new setting.

He unloads his belongings into the room he's been assigned, settling all his stuffed animals in his cupboard as well his posters and various other possessions.

When he's sure that his toys are comfortable, he too changes into a more comfy outfit, slinging his discarded clothes onto the chair by the desk. He takes a step back, and looks at the messily-strewn clothes with a nagging sense of discomfort.

Felix picks up the clothes and folds them neatly before placing them in his cupboard. He is proud for a second, for cleaning up after himself as Seungmin always nags him to do.

Only for a second though.

He sits aimlessly on the cold hardwood floor. It's 4:30, much too early for any of other trainees to be up. 

Chan would be up, he reflects, pottering around the dorm to work on a track and waking everyone up with his poorly-sung Sesame Street songs.  
He chuckles at the memories, the laugh quickly turning into a choked sob as he realises all at once that for the first time since coming to JYP, he’s well and truly alone now.

Now he sits, at 4:30, on the floor of his new room, a day after his elimination, crying his eyes out.

There's no Seungmin to wake up at the sound of his tears, so he doesn't try and be too quiet.

He's alone now. 

#

Felix practises his Korean.

He practises like crazy, waking up early and ending late at night poring over his grammar books. He uses every revision method he knows, sticking small flashcards with Korean conjugations onto the mirror with Colgate and having conversations with himself in Korean as he walks around.

“Dude,” Yao Chen, one of the older JYP trainees, says, “do you like, ever sleep? Everytime I see you you have your nose in a grammar book, and your light is always on past like 4.”

Felix shrugs, laughing. “I have to,” he replies, and Yao Chen shoots him a confused look.

Truthfully, not only is he extremely dedicated to learning more Korean in the later of hours of the night, but it's also when Chan finishes up with his music in the floor above Felix's dorm.

He knows that if he keeps his light on late enough, that Chan will come in to nag him about sleeping late and they'll eventually drift into meaningless conversation that Felix holds onto with all the desperation of a drowning man.

He doesn't see anyone else from the team anymore- they're all too busy with the show and preparing for it. They try and make time to see him of course, but it's hard and the only one he sees semi-regularly is Chan and so he treats every word they exchange as a sacred memory.

He doesn't want to lose even this when the leader inevitably debuts. 

They go out for ramen on one occasion, a chilly night that has Felix blowing into his cupped hands in an attempt to circulate some warmth in them.

He whirls the noodles around his chopsticks, watching the steam from them rise into the cold air. 

Chan talks about the members, about what they're doing and how they're preparing for the next mission. “It's not the same without you and Minho,” he confesses between a mouthful of food.

Felix laughs. “You'll be fine.” He says, lifting a heap of noodles into his mouth. Even as he says it, he sees Chan shaking his head.

“No, I won't be. None of us will. I still buy 9 servings of food, you know, and I turn around and expect to see you and Minho there, laughing behind the rest of us. But you never are.”

At this, a horrible clenching first squeezes at Felix's chest, and the noodles are hard to swallow through the stone in his throat. “You'll learn,” he says, “to live without us. You'll have to. It's better that way.”

Chan's eyes are piercing as they lock onto Felix's. “You don't believe that, so don't pretend like you do.” He sets his chopsticks down, finishing the meal.

Felix's own bowl is still half-full, but he can't eat through the squeezing, unrelenting pain deep in the chassis of his ribs that increases the more he talks about his former team.

“It's okay. Everything's fine, so just move on.” He forces out, staring at the chipped wood of the table.

“No. Nothings fine, or okay. But,” Chan takes his hand, the warmth of his palms spreading over Felix’s own, “it will be.”

“Don't say it's over yet.” The leader continues.

He nods, holding onto the comforting warmth of Chan's hand. “It's not over yet.” Felix repeats, and a dimpled smile spreads across the other boy's face.

“That's the spirit!” He cheers, raising his fist to the sky.

Felix does the same, laughing gleefully. Staring up at the night sky under the shelter of the ramen stand, hand clasped within his hyung’s, he smiles genuinely for the first time since the elimination.

In that moment, with one hand defiantly challenging the stars, Felix knows it's not over.


End file.
